I can do this, I just don’t know how!


So, I am back in the gym! “Wahoo” I hear you cry. Well, don’t get too excited as I am only doing cardio at the moment.

I mentioned in a previous blog that i have has a run in I had in with my manager and how I had an anxiety attack well, this has made me feel so worthless that I can bring myself to look in the mirror while I am doing my hair, let alone working out as I just see a failure and a massively overweight blob!

I know this is my anxiety and these feeling will go away slowly but I am sick of feeling like this. I am sick of feeling worthless and fat and just a general site human being. I don’t want to get out of bed in the morning but then again, I don’t know any that does. But I don’t want to get dressed I don’t even want to take Chidling to school in case I have to speak to someone!

Next weekend I am off for a long weekend with Chidling, my sister, my mum and the three nephews. It is just for a few days but I hope that it will recharge my batteries and I come back with a t least a smile on my face!

My life at home is cracking, Hubby and chidling are doing well. Hubby is still looking for a job but we are not worried as the qualifications he has he should find somewhere quick. Chidling is so ready for the summer holiday to start now. He is a little grouchy in the mornings and evenings now because he is so tired! But he is doing well at school. With a glowing report and he even won the sack race at his sports day!

It’s just work! I dread the drive in, I dread sitting at my desk all day (even for lunch as we have no break out room) I just getting so stressed and headachy from it all! Grrrr!

I had my yearly review yesterday and I say, “yeah everything is fine, of course, really its good!” when inside I was screaming “NO, NOTHING IS RIGHT, NOTHJING IS OK!!” But my stupid brain was saying “don’t tell him! He will use it against you! He wants to fire you! Your rubbish why would he want to keep you!”

So, at the moment I am going to the gym to try and clear my head and relieve some anxiety. This is what I am doing;

  • running 5K and
  • biking 2 miles
  • row for about 2 miles
  • punch bag and

This is to get as much stress, anxiety, fristration out as possible.

I know cardio is great for you but is it helping with my weight loss?

Is it true the more you sweat the more you lose?

I am going to start back on the weights at the weekend I think and take it slowly – I am going to go early morning so there are not many people there and I am going to ask for help. I am on medication for my anxiety at the moment which is working but I don’t want to be on them forever!

May be dear reader you have ideas on combating anxiety without meds. Can you suggest what I should attempt?

Right I better get gone and attempt to do some work!

See you soon!

Love the Duff XxX


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